From the sermon preached on April 19, 2026.
Biblical forgiveness is not about pretending nothing happened or waiting until you feel ready. It is the deliberate act of releasing a real debt so that you can walk free. In Matthew 18, Jesus makes the case that unforgiveness does not punish the person who hurt you; it imprisons the one who refuses to let go.
How Overcoming Offense and Bitterness Begins With Recognizing the Trap
Every wound starts as a moment. Someone wrongs you, betrays your trust, slanders your name, or walks away without ever saying sorry. That moment is real, and the pain it produces is real. But Pastor Rich Romero, teaching from Matthew 18:15–17 in the “One Another” series at Generation Church, drew a sharp distinction that Sunday morning: offense is a moment, but being offended is a choice.
The Greek word for offense in the New Testament is scandalon: a trap, a stumbling block, the trigger of a snare. What looks like a justified reaction has a hook buried in it. Pastor Rich drew on author and pastor John Bevere’s book The Bait of Satan to frame it this way — the bait looks appealing and feels justifiable, but it is hiding a hook that will not let you go. Overcoming offense and bitterness requires seeing it for what it is: not just an emotional wound, but a spiritual trap.
What makes offense so dangerous is not just its initial sting but what happens next. Left unresolved, it gets replayed. You rehearse what was done, you justify why you feel this way, and you rehearse it again. As Pastor Rich said plainly: what you rehearse, you reinforce. What you reinforce over time stops being something that happened to you and starts becoming who you are.
Overcoming offense and bitterness is not possible through sheer willpower alone. The first honest step is simply naming it: “I am carrying something that has a hook in it, and I need help letting go.” Sit with that before God today, without rushing to fix it or explain it away.
Is Freedom from Resentment Actually Possible, Even After Deep Hurt?
One of the most honest moments in Pastor Rich’s teaching came when he described what spiritual captivity actually looks like in everyday life. It is not chains you can see. It is a hardened heart that trusts no one, a lost joy that makes it impossible to celebrate anything or anyone. It is the person who functions fine on the outside but has arrows still lodged in them, bleeding out slowly while nobody notices.
Freedom from resentment becomes possible only when you understand what forgiveness actually is. Pastor Rich was careful to clarify what forgiveness is not: it is not excusing what happened, minimizing your pain, or being required to immediately restore trust. Forgiveness is releasing a debt; it is letting go of your right to collect. The healing of trust and the restoration of relationships belong to God’s timeline, not yours.
The parable Jesus tells in Matthew 18:21–35 makes this uncomfortably clear. A servant whose enormous debt was completely canceled by his master immediately goes out and throttles a fellow servant over a comparatively tiny sum. The servant ends up in prison: not because of what was done to him, but because of what he refused to release. Lewis Smedes put it this way: “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and then discover that the prisoner was you.”
Freedom from resentment does not arrive because you finally feel generous toward the person who hurt you. It arrives when you make a decision and commit to it before your feelings ever catch up. Start there: make the decision, even quietly, even privately.
What Forgiving Others Has to Do With the Gospel and Why That Changes Everything
Here is where the message landed with full weight: strength to forgive does not come from trying harder. It does not come from willpower, a better perspective, or enough time passing. It comes from the power of the gospel and the power of the Holy Spirit.
Pastor Rich returned to the summary he placed before the congregation from the very beginning: “The gospel gives you the reason to forgive. The Holy Spirit gives you the power to forgive.” Forgiving others is not a moral achievement earned through effort; it flows from a received grace. We do not forgive to earn more mercy. We forgive because we have already been given more mercy than we could ever repay.
The parable in Matthew 18 frames this in financial terms because the stakes are real. The servant’s forgiven debt was a sum no ordinary person could ever settle. That is the debt Jesus absorbed on the cross. When Ephesians 4:32 instructs us to forgive one another just as God in Christ has forgiven us, it is asking us to measure our willingness against the full scale of what we have already received.
Forgiving others does not mean the wound was not real. It does not mean you pardon what was inexcusable or assume reconciliation is immediate. As theologian Tim Keller said: “To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in me.” The Holy Spirit living in you is the same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead; that is not a small resource to draw from.
When you have run out of your own strength, that is not the end. Pray Psalm 139 (“Search me, O God”) and sit with whatever surfaces. That honesty before the Lord is the doorway to forgiving others in a way that actually holds.
What Does Matthew 18 Show Us About Forgiveness and Reconciliation?
Forgiveness | Reconciliation | |
What it is | Releasing the debt owed to you | Restoring trust and relationship |
Who is responsible | You, before God | Both parties, when possible |
When it happens | By decision, before feelings follow | On God’s timeline, not yours |
Where strength comes from | The gospel and the Holy Spirit | The Lord, who heals and renews |
Faith That Heals in the Heart of Miami
Generation Church began in a school on Ponce de Leon Boulevard, planted by Pastors Rich and Tina Romero for the people of Coral Gables and Miami: people who carry real weight, real history, and real wounds. The “One Another” series was not built for a congregation without scars. It was built for a community learning, together, to live the way of Jesus in their actual relationships. If something in this message stirred something in you, the doors at Generation Church are open. No performance required. Come as you are.
You Were Never Meant to Carry This Alone
Unforgiveness is not a character flaw; it is a human one, and Jesus knew it when he sat down with Peter in Matthew 18. The invitation of this sermon is not guilt. It is freedom. The gospel has already canceled the debt, the Holy Spirit is already alive in you, and the decision to release what you are holding is one you can make today — even if your feelings are nowhere near ready to follow.
Choose freedom. Not because you are strong enough, but because the One who lives in you is.
Frequently Asked Questions
What does the Bible say about forgiveness?
The Bible frames forgiveness as the act of releasing a debt: not calming a feeling, but making a deliberate choice. Jesus addresses it directly in Matthew 18, using financial language to show what happens when we hold others to a debt while ignoring the far greater debt God has canceled for us. Ephesians 4:32 puts it plainly: forgive one another as God in Christ has forgiven you.
How do I forgive someone who doesn't deserve it?
Forgiveness was never about what the other person deserves; it is about what you have already received. The gospel teaches that none of us deserved what God freely gave. As theologian Tim Keller said, to be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in us. The Holy Spirit provides the strength to do what emotions alone cannot sustain.
What is the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation?
Forgiveness is your responsibility before God: releasing the debt and letting go of your right to collect. Reconciliation is a separate process that depends on both parties and unfolds on God’s timeline. You can forgive someone fully without immediately restoring trust or resuming the relationship. The call in Matthew 18 is to release, not to reconcile on demand.
Does unforgiveness really affect my physical and spiritual health?
Both Scripture and science point to yes. The book of James connects bitterness to physical decay, and contemporary research increasingly confirms the physiological effects of chronic resentment. Spiritually, Jesus indicates in Matthew 18 that unforgiveness can hinder prayer. Choosing to release an offense is an act of care for your body, mind, and soul.
What if I want to forgive but I just cannot get there emotionally?
That is one of the most honest places a person can be, and it is exactly where the Holy Spirit meets you. Forgiveness is not something you feel your way into; you make a decision and commit to it, and your feelings follow over time. Praying Psalm 139 (“Search me, O God”) and Psalm 42 (“As a deer pants for water, so my soul longs for you”) are concrete starting points when willpower has run dry.
